I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
