Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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