If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
