Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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