The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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