Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
