So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
