Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Randomize
