Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They took my balls.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
