Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
