Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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