i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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