You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
