The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So drunk its hurt
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
