i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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