Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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