I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
