I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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