So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
