Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
