A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
