just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Come see our sink grown plant.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
