Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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