..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
