ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
