omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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