I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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