Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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