She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
