Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
