GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think your dad took our porno
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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