found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
