Buhtt sex?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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