Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize