is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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