shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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