YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
