all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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