Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
