The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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