I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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