I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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