its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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