He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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