forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
