I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
