the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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