my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
