TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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