TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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