I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize