He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
