Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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