Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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