Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He has the fingertips of a God
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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