Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
