don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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