She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
