And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
