He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
