the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
