farters have to be the big spoon...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
