If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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