Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
