I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
