I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
should my penis look like a turkey
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dear god my vagina.
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