I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
