It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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