Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
