I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
