My liver just broke up with me...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
