Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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