Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
