my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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