first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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