He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
