I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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