Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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