You're so nebulous sometimes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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