just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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